i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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