WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
