Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
