i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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