one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I would ride that face into the sunset
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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