They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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