There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just gargled with NyQuil
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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