I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
