JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
