dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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