sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
