wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
