Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
