You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
