Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
