Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
