I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize