quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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