On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The maid of honor just puked.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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