took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
