i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
