I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
