i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
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My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
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He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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