It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
