People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
