All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
