I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
