You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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