Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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