you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I could fuck to npr.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
