I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize