Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
