Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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