I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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