Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(507): View more from Minnesota

As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.

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(616): View more from Michigan

this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan

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(914): View more from New York

this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.

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(416): View more from Toronto

I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.

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(530): View more from California

i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome

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(616): View more from Michigan

After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.

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(419): View more from Ohio

not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again

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