I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
