Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
