don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
