just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You are the jesus of drinking
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
