I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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