i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
