3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
