you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
