Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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