I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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