I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Terrible idea I love it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
