my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
