i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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