Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
