Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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