The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If that was your dad, he is hot
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
