I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
