I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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