He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The power of my boobs compel you
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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