9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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