god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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