Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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