community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
