I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
