Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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