I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
