Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
