so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
