I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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