dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
