I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
