Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
