How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
