I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
