Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
