Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
