paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Sober January is a disaster.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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