R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
