so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
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When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
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I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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