I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
