life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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