my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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