I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i came on her dog
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
