Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize