We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
