I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Less talking, more tequila
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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