i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
